I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize