she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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