Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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