Sober January is a disaster.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
