new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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