I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We talked him into tasing himself.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
