maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
worst night to have a conscience
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
