I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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