last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
