i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
