the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
