The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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