Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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