I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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