I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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