My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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