So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
