I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
