Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
