I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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