Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
