Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
