you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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