I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
