What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
