my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
