I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
