That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
