hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
