Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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