upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
