maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize