Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
