New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
