Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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