I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
