I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
