The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
