Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
