Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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