you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
