please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
