saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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