saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
