Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
