I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
