I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
