grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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