Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize