Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
