I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
MIDGETS
????
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
