dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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