I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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