I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
