I cockslap morals
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize