She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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