Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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