I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We had to coat check the pizza.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
