So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
