walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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