This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
