it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize