I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
