there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Randomize
