I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
