A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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