I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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