new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize