We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
