so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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