I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
