So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
