I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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