Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
