I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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