Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
