I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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