My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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