Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
