Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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