i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
