ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
