I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You can't motorboat a personality
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
