All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
