Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
