Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
