I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize