I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
