whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
P.S. I can't hear my feet
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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