you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
