if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
