did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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