if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
