If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
