I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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