is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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