when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
