I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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