I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize