apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
