Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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