Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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