I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
