We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
