I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
