Just fell off a train. Bad.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
