So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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