You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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