my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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