Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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