Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
