Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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