just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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