Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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