That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
