and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
