i just snorted my name. best moment ever
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
